Pet Loss Library

« Return to Pet Loss Library


Second Year Of Loss

by Karin Baltzell, Ph.d

Dear Karin,

It is soon the second year after the loss of my cat. She was my baby and my only real friend. The death was awful and I was suicidal and depressed in spite of therapy and the comforting cliches we all tend to use when death intrudes. I know I will not be able to ever have another cat---I was happy with the one I had and my disability limits me (mostly the lack of income and mobility). I write her letters and have filled six journals. I am unable to enjoy life like I used to and am totally stagnant. I've suffered many horrible losses in my 42 years on Earth and don't look forward to facing any more, save, mine own. I know I'll lose it on the 2-year date, which is also my Dad's birthday. Do you have any advise to help me cope?

Dear Reader,

Of course, we are so sorry for your loss, and your continued grieving. Yes, it is very hard to hear platitudes, and cliches, when we are looking for someone to totally understand us and say just the "right thing". There is nothing that we could hope for more than some of the following suggestions might be of some consolation or help:

1. Contact your therapist if you are no longer seeing him/her and have a touch-up appointment during this anniversary time.

2. Have you joined the on-line support groups on Beyond Indigo?? Perhaps the Buddy Chat???

3. Try not to be alone on the anniversary date of the deaths of your kitty and your father. Be gone from your residence, if possible, or invite a friend of neighbor in to be with you.

4. Talk about your loss to someone that you trust. Yes, you've done that before, but you have suffered so many losses, it might take you an extra special long time to process all the feelings and hurt inside.

5. Keep journaling. However, you might change the focus of your writing to "What if?" What if I got a new cat, how would I manage that? What if I could find someone to share a pet with (and the cost), say a friend, or a neighbor, or another lonely grieving person? What if I could change the future for myself, what would it look like? Can you see how this can get you to start a new cycle of thinking???

6. Contact a Humane Society, or Social Services agency and see if they have therapy pets that can come and visit you. That way, you don't own the pet (and don't have to worry about the loss, yet again).

7.Consider the possibility of getting a new kitty. Just "consider it". Try on the idea. Live with the thought again. It would seem that what is holding you back from lots of love, and comfort, is your fear of suffering loss again. Yet, without risking love again, you suffer loss EVERY single day, over and over.

We wish you the best of luck getting through your anniversary, and encourage you to Hang On, and you will make it through to the other side of your painful time.

Karin


Karin is a staff writer and editor for Beyond Indigo. She holds her Ph.D in Psychology.

What Our Clients Are Saying

“The entire staff is caring and compassionate. Our dog was well taken care of and is on the road to recovery. We especially appreciate the follow up calls.” –Howard M.

“Wonderful service and very kind staff! We’re so thankful to have found a great vet after moving to NYC!” –Emily A.

“Dr. Fried answers all my questions and concerns about my pet. Makes me feel like we are in good hands.” –Joyce M.

“I have recommended Dr. Fried to my pet owning friends and will continue to do so.” –Anon A.

“I would not take my dog or three cats anywhere but to Lincoln Square.” –Susan H.

“Everyone at Lincoln Square Veterinary Hospital is very professional, friendly and really care for their patients.” –Irene A.

“I have always had good experiences at Lincoln Square animal hospital and this was no exception.” –Carol H.

“The doctors at LSV are amazing and take wonderful care of our bulldog Zeus!” –Rekha U.

“We love this Vet! Everyone is professional and friendly and we are completely confident with their care and ability.” –David F.

“I highly recommend Lincoln Square Veterinary Hospital to anyone who treats their four-legged babies as their own!” –Margaret B.

“My dog has been in good hands here since he was a puppy. Excellent medical care and excellent follow up.” –Carrie W.

“Everyone at LSVH is cheerful, efficient and helpful. This is the only vet office I know of, where my dog does not shake, but instead wags his tail upon entering!” –Nathan S.

“We have always been greeted with smiles and a terrific attitude. Each and every one of the doctors make me feel like they love my pet almost as much as I do.” –Jayme S.

“I always have a very good feeling that Georgie is being taken care of in the best possible way. I also find the staff very polite, and helpful.” –Jacqueline D.

“Great experience. Vets are always very patient with the humans and animals. Been going for years and will continue.” –Nancy S.

“All of them (the vets, the techs, the receptionists) are kind and gentle in handling all animals (including humans). I have never had a bad experience there, and my cats are happy and healthy!” –Gabriel K.

“There really is no other vet, staff or place like Lincoln Square. Plus, I never worry when I leave my precious little guy there. I know they’ll treat him as I would.” –Gina M.